It's your guys fault that senpai doesn't notice me!
by Quis Custodiet
Summary: Shinobu Maehara, perpetual wallflower and leader of the "a-cup angst" trio is facing down her sweet sixteen birthday with no hope of love, romance, or even perverted managers trying to sample the goods. Is there anything she can do to get her beloved senpai to notice her? Is there anything Kaolla Su won't do in the name of science? A battle of "epic proportions" is about to ensue!
1. Chapter 1

Deep in the bowels of Hinata City Public High school, at a table situated far away from anyone remotely popular, during a time which could simply be described as "Lunch", three extremely skinny girls that puberty had all but missed sulked over a communal meal that was probably the best thing anyone had ever tasted in the history of the world. Or at least, that's what it sounded like considering the nearly orgasmic noises the two smallest ones were making.

"Is it _really_ that good?" asked the tallest girl. She had shoulder length hair so black it was almost blue and a figure that could only be described as "possibly getting there someday".

"Shinobu – it's great," said one of her dining partners, a smaller brunette who despite being the oldest, looked three years younger and had a complexion that was slightly reminiscent of greasy fast-food wrappers and chips.

"I actually think I just came," she added. Her voice was entirely serious.

"What's coming? Is it delicious?" asked the girl to the left, a slightly taller brown skinned foreigner with rosy cheeks and a body that, despite the fact she was nearly 16 years old, could barely put a middle schooler to shame.

"Oh knock it off with that shit, it's getting old" said greasy-chan. The other girl, almost-boobs-chan agreed with her.

"Really, Su-chan" she said to the girl who was evidently Su-chan and didn't need a nickname, "That joke was pretty funny back when we didn't know you had a 200 IQ."

Su just shrugged. It was a tough crowd and getting tougher every day. She contemplated that it was unfortunate that her companions couldn't see the genius in her physical comedy or sublime attempts at satire. Oh well, it was to be expected, they were Japanese after all.

"I really wish you guys hadn't seen that. It was a lot more fun playing 'wacky gaijin' than 'midget genius'. Despite what people may think, being smart is still the biggest social stigma of all," complained the diminutive blonde girl as she finished off the last remnants of her lunch.

"It's tits," said greasy-chan, "Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you this? It's all tits. Popularity is tits. Friendship is tits. Boyfriends are _absolutely_ tits. Getting good grades… those can be tits too if you know what you're doing. If my vast amount of eroge research has taught me anything, it's that cup-size rules the world."

"Tomoko-chan!" gasped almost-boobs-chan. The faux outrage was heavy in her voice, but secretly she was in agreement with her hygienically challenged friend, if only because she had witnessed this first hand and on a daily basis for going on over two years now.

"Oh whatever Shinobu-chan," griped Tomoko, the girl formerly known as greasy-chan.

"Aren't you always complaining about how your 'senpai' is constantly following around tsundere-boobs-chan, or airhead-boobs-chan, or lesbian-boobs-chan, or the dreaded mega-boobs-sama, or… do I need to go on?" she snarked as she downed another mouthful of food.

The girl formerly known as almost-boobs-chan looked down at her almost-boobs and sighed. As much as Shinobu wanted to counter Tomoko's argument, she couldn't fault the older girl in her assessment of "assets" and their intrinsic social value, at least in regards to the esteem that the majority of the male gender put in them. It was a sad truth, but despite the fact that she was nearly 16, she hadn't really developed as much as she had hoped. Shinobu knew that she'd give almost anything to have a rack large enough to attract the attention of even a junior high student, but what she really wanted was a sexy figure that would turn the head of her _senpai_ – the man had been living with her (and sadly, with 4 other girls) for the last couple of years and during that time had managed to properly feel up nearly everyone with a double-x chromosome within a mile radius except of course, for her (and she hoped, Su – but she wasn't sure on that count).

"Keitaro-senpai doesn't really _chase_ them. It's more like…" Shinobu was cut off by a smirking Su.

"More like he falls on them, mangles them, massages them, fondles them…"

Tomoko perked up and started to join in, her voice taking on an almost sing-song quality, "gropes 'em, squeezes 'em, rubs 'em, tweaks 'em!"

Shinobu covered her ears and lowered her head, the lamentations in her soul wailing against her psyche. Why did every lunch period have to turn into a discussion of either boys, lack of boys, breasts, lack of breasts, or how the universal equation for dating seemed to be lack of breasts equated into lack of boys. It just simply wasn't fair.

"Augh!" she screamed, "Stop it you two!" she slammed her palms down on the table.

"Whoa… did you see that Su-chan?" asked Tomoko with fake awe in her voice, "I think… I saw a slight jiggle! Well done Shinobu-chan! Well done!"

Without pause, the two smaller girls broke out in tiny sarcastic little claps. Shinobu took one long look at her "friends" and decided that even though there was still ten minutes of precious lunch time left, she had reached her limit of asinine stupidity.

" _Why am I constantly surrounded by children?"_ she griped to herself as she turned heel to leave.

Sadly, she knew it was because no one else saw her as anything but a child herself.

LH-LH-LH

"So, let me get this right, you're inviting me to your own surprise birthday party?" asked Tomoko as she strolled along side Shinobu.

The two girls with the addition of Su were all walking generally in the same direction home and despite their earlier teasing in the lunchroom they all shared a bond that was stronger than mere "a-cup angst".

"Yes, but only because senpai doesn't know you. I'm sure if he did, he'd invite you on his own, he's very sweet that way…" Shinobu's voice trailed. Her hand rose to her cheek and a healthy blush quickly ensued as she began to day dream about her beloved senpai.

"How do you know he's going to throw you a surprise party if it's a surprise?" asked a still confused Tomoko.

Su piped up and slapped the other girl on the back. "Because it's Keitaro! He always does the same stuff every year. Heck, I bet he's looking at cartoon cake designs on the internet right now."

Shinobu muttered at this, "I really wish he _wouldn't_ … it's starting to get embarrassing."

"What? Cartoon cakes? Like _Doraemon_?" asked Tomoko, only to be greeted with a resounding silence.

"Haha, oh shit – _Doraemon_. Wow. Sorry," she snickered.

Shinobu sighed loudly as the trio rounded the bend towards the train station.

"Senpai just doesn't see me as an adult. I don't think any of the people living there do really and who can blame him?" Shinobu looked down at her own unflattering figure.

Tomoko snorted, "Tough break kid, but I got a plan for myself."

She smiled widely and thumped her own emaciated chest.

"I read it in a _doujin_ I bought at Comiket last year. The plot was garbage but the idea was sound…"

Despite herself, Shinobu found herself listening more intently to Tomoko than she would have cared to.

"Basically it's this – I do compensated dating until I save up enough yen and then I get a series of breast implant surgeries until my chest is bigger than my head. Maybe some lip injections too, eye-line surgery… hmm. Come to think of it, my nose is kind of crap too and my ears… Wow, those jug handles definitely need to be pinned."

Suddenly, bleak realization hit Tomoko like a ton of bricks.

"Shit. I'm pretty fucked up aren't I?" she asked, only to be greeted with silence and knowing looks.

The older girl just growled and looked at her feet.

"Don't judge me. It's not my fault I'm not pretty," she complained.

" _Oh Tomo-chan, if only that was your only problem,_ " thought both Su and Shinobu as the group finally arrived at the train station.

Shinobu reached out and gently patted the other girl on the shoulder.

"See you tomorrow Tomo-chan," she said sadly.

The three girls waved goodbye and separated, with Su and Shinobu looking for their own train that was heading towards the Hinata-sou.

"Do you think Tomo is right?" asked Su as she idly fooled with her cellphone.

Shinobu considered this for a moment. There was no denying that it didn't _hurt_ to be pretty, and while some girls were more challenged in this area than others, the biggest problem that Shinobu had was twofold – she just looked like a baby and she acted like one too. At least she was mature enough to understand this.

"Partly," she said as she boarded the train with Su.

"It wouldn't hurt to have a more adult figure, but really… I think confidence is just as important, isn't it?"

Su put away her phone and grinned. "Well, I've got that in spades! I should go steal Keitaro away from Naru and elope to Molmol!"

Shinobu rolled her eyes. She could never tell when Su was kidding or not when it came to some of her more outrageous statements.

"Don't worry Shinobu! We can do a three way marriage back home; I'll even let you have him more often than me because you're my best friend!"

"Su!" gasped Shinobu, "You really need to stop saying stuff like that or people are going to think you're weird!"

As the two girls found their seats for the train ride home, Su couldn't help but wonder why Shinobu was so hung up on being worried if people thought she was weird or not. Objectively, it wasn't like the timid girl was exactly _popular_ to begin with, so you would think with less to lose she'd be willing to risk more for some gain.

" _Maybe she really just needs some more confidence?"_

Koalla Su looked over at her long-time friend, wondering what, if anything she could do for her.

" _And really, like Tomo said, some tits wouldn't hurt either."_

Su leaned back in her seat and stared at the ceiling of the train, lost deep in thought. Surely, it wasn't something that concerned her personally, after all – she _knew_ that she was going to grow up to be a beautiful woman and that fact alone, the fact of _knowing,_ pretty much meant she never worried.

Eying her friend again, but this time with a more critical gaze, she wondered exactly what kind of woman Shinobu would grow up to be.

" _How much DNA would I need in order to find out?"_

A small grin broke out on her face as her left arm innocently began to circle around the back of Shinobu's head.

"Ouch!" complained the other girl as she felt a twinge at the back of her scalp.

"What was that for Su?" she complained.

Su smile her characteristically haphazard smile and simply said the truth, "FOR SCIENCE!"

LH-LH-LH

Authors Note:

I have no idea what this story is going to turn into. It's just a plot bunny that got away from me that I thought I'd hack away at whenever I get bored. For now, the rating will be 'T' since it's mostly just filled with juvenile innuendo, but that rating might go up in later chapters depending on where this goes.

Cheers, and feel free to drop me ideas about what "might" happen in this fiction.

QC


	2. Chapter 2

The day had begun with a simple and rose coloured fantasy, a dream if you will, spun from whole cloth by the innocent heart of a maiden named Shinobu Maehara. It had come to her during homeroom, sometime between the morning announcements and first period. She had been lazily staring out the window at the golden leaves that still drifted from the trees in the early November weather and pondering a momentous decision.

What the hell would she wear to her 'Sweet Sixteen' party?

She knew she needed something that was elegant, but bordering on sexy. Something that said, "Girl – you're a woman now" and perhaps with a slight subtext of "Please notice me senpai!" Sure, she didn't have much to work with – a tiny rear, modest hips and an even humbler chest, but she reasoned that this was exactly why overpriced dresses and shoes existed in the first place. Normally such aspirations would be beyond her meagre means, but her father in his endless quest to one-up her mother had sent her the queenly sum of fifty thousand yen as an early birthday present.

She had to admit, under the circumstances, it _did_ make her like him a little more.

She had imagined finding the perfect dress to hide her faults, perhaps with the assistance of some highly deceptive lingerie to make up for some of her more obvious deficits. She would accessorize appropriately, for example, some dangly earrings instead of the childish studs she normally wore or a fetching necklace to draw the male gaze towards the illusory effects of the aforementioned deceptive lingerie. Finally she would get a pair of shoes that were sleek and sky high – the kind that would punish her with a posture that made her suck in her gut and stick out her rear. The kind that said, "I don't plan on doing much walking in these."

It was a bold and daring fantasy and not one that she was positive she had the guts to go through with. However, like many things in this poor maiden's life, her precious dream was quickly being dragged down to hell by the people around her.

"I dunno Shinobu-chan, if this guy is as big of a pervert as it seems, maybe you should try working that angle instead," offered Tomoko Kuroki as she plucked an errant strand of unwashed hair from her eyes.

Shinobu's face went red and she started waving her arms around in circles.

"B-b-but senpai isn't a pervert!" she yelled with perhaps too much emphasis on the word "pervert" as she coincidentally attracted the uncomfortable stares of several other passengers in the cramped train.

Shinobu shot a glance at Su who was busy tapping away on her phone.

"Well?" she asked, obviously trying to encourage the young Molmolian to come to Keitaro's defence.

Su looked up and bit her lip.

"Well, I'd say he's not a _total_ pervert," she finally replied.

"Kaolla!" Shinobu gasped. She honestly felt a little bit betrayed by her best friend. She had been sure that Su liked Keitaro, if not as deeply as she did, at least as a big brother type figure and certainly enough to defend his honor.

Su waved her hand dismissively and turned off her phone.

"It's not that I think Keitaro is a bad guy or guilty of _everything_ that he gets blamed for, but you have to admit Shinobu, it's statistically implausible that he'd walk in on women changing as often as he does. Particularly since it only ever seems to happen to the older girls…"

Tomoko could see Shinobu's face fall and she tried to brighten up the mood in her own socially inept way.

"Hey, it's totally normal – all guys are a little perverted," Tomoko pondered something for a moment, "Actually… this could be really good! Like I was saying before, you just need to figure out his angle."

Shinobu and Su both looked at Tomoko like she had spouted another head. Neither girl knew exactly what the resident hentai connoisseur was going on about nor were they particularly keen to find out. Eventually however, Shinobu's desperation about winning over her senpai finally overcame her desire to avoid the emotional scarring. Her stomach flipped and she ventured a question.

"I'm going to regret this… but what exactly do you mean Tomo-chan?"

Tomoko hunched her shoulders and moved closer to the other girls. Her already creepy grin had taken on a rather unsavoury characteristic that practically reeked of "perverted otaku". She raised her finger and waved it in front of Shinobu's face.

"Fetish!" she exclaimed. "Find his fetish and exploit it!"

"F-f-fetish!" stammered Shinobu as her mind conjured scenes and pictures that she was quite frankly shocked she could even imagine. Obviously her long association with Tomoko had somehow managed to seep into her subconscious. It was a deeply unsettling idea that left her feeling dirty and violated – just the way Tomoko liked it.

"So… basically we just need to find Keitaro's taste in women?" asked Su.

Tomoko put her hand to her mouth and laughed, "Ohohohohohohoho! You poor, innocent children! You naïve fools! You…"

Su cut her off with a karate chop to the head.

"Tch-tch-tch!" groaned Tomoko as she held her head, "What was that for?"

"Brain reset," deadpanned Su. "Now tell us what you mean exactly."

Tomoko continued to rub her head and shot Su a dirty look before continuing.

"A fetish is like a secret sexual 'switch'. You find the one thing that really turns them on and they are weak against it. Like for instance, if your Keitaro-kun is a Lolicon, then you dress up in a sailor _fuku_ and say some shit like…"

Tomoko changed her voice so it was a sickly sweet approximation of a young girl from an anime and then continued.

"Shinchan wants to taste Oniichan's salty milk! Hafoon~"

"Salty…" said Su.

"M-milk," finished Shinobu in a daze.

Encouraged by her own perversion, Tomoko rubbed her hands in glee and her eyes went dark with _ecchi_ fuelled fantasies. Sadly, for everyone involved, she was only just beginning.

"Oh! Oniichan's thing is so _hard!"_ she moaned, her voice carrying far in the train, much to the discomfort of one young mother with children. Shinobu noticed that while some of their fellow travellers had the decency to look away, a couple of older guys had actually started to move closer…

"Oniichan! Shinchans butt is so hot and itchy!" Tomoko emphasized her lewdness by shaking her rear directly at Shinobu, causing the taller girl to recoil in horror.

"Augh! Get it away!" she gasped, tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

Thankfully, before the situation could spiral completely out of control, Su once again came to the rescue with a well-placed karate to the offending perverts head.

"Grr…. Damn it!" yelled Tomoko as she held her head in agony.

"What was that?" asked Su, more curious than offended.

Tomoko looked off to the side, still rubbing her poor suffering head.

"It's from a game I own… _Little Sister's Love-Love Battle._ "

There was no response to this admission by the other two girls. They simply stared. Hard.

"Don't judge me!" cried Tomoko as she crossed her arms and took a seat.

"You are such an idiot," sighed Su as she fished her phone out of her skirt pocket.

Tomoko lowered her head, "I don't need to hear that from you brain-freak!" she groused.

"Can we please not fight?" pleaded Shinobu.

Truthfully, she just wanted to disappear right now. Things always had a way of turning out like this whenever she went out with Tomoko and Su. She liked both of the girls, but out of the three of them, Shinobu knew that she was the only one who could vaguely pass for normal in polite (or impolite) company. Looking around the carriage, she at least hoped that Tomoko's eroge performance hadn't drawn the attention of any molesters – they still had a long train ride to Tokyo after all.

"Here, look at this," said Su as she held up her phone to Shinobu.

"What's this?" asked Shinobu as she peered at the picture that Su had brought up on the small device.

"Slutty Space Pirate Mika-chan," said Su.

This announcement got Tomoko out of her funk and she quickly joined in, "Oh! I have that one!"

"So does Keitaro," said Su as she took the phone back. It was an open secret that Keitaro kept a meagre stash of erotic magazines and manga hidden in the third bottom drawer of his desk. Su, like most of the girls sans Shinobu, had little respect for their manager's privacy.

Shinobu was confused. Why had Su shown her a picture of a futuristic manga character?

Tomoko snapped her fingers. "That's it, that's perfect!"

Shinobu felt her stomach sink to the floor. Every time Tomoko thought something was a good idea, it turned out horrible, yet still they remained friends. Why God? Why?

"I can't believe I am even saying this…" she complained to no one in particular.

"What's perfect?" she asked as her shoulders slumped in defeat.

Tomoko was once again rubbing her hands in evil glee and her eyes burned with barely concealed perversion. Her power level was clearly on the rise once more.

"When we get to Tokyo, we'll go to Akihabara and pick you up some Mika-chan cosplay. Then when you get back, you dress up, go to Manager-san's room in the middle of the night and tell him to plunder your space booty!"

Shinobu Maehara was normally a timid girl. She blushed a lot, often got embarrassed, and frequently ran away from confrontation. However, even girls like her, the perpetual wallflowers of life, still have their limits. She had pretty much reached hers.

"What the hell is wrong with you Kuroki!" she barked as she grabbed the smaller (but suspiciously older) girl by the collar. The two of them quickly fell into bickering while Kaolla Su pulled out her phone and stared intently at the photo of the aforementioned ridiculously proportioned slutty space pirate.

" _Hmm… so it's kind of like that,"_ she thought to herself.

As much as Tomoko was an incorrigible otaku-pervert, Su didn't think she was actually all _that_ wrong. After all, people had preferences in their potential mates. Some guys liked big breasted American blondes; other guys liked women with long legs, or girls with glasses. Maybe this "Slutty Space Pirate" was physically close to Keitaro's type. If a certain experiment she was running back in her dorm room was successful, then it might even be something that she could help Shinobu with in one way or another.

However, the bigger problem was actually still Shinobu herself, or more aptly, her timid personality. Su postulated that even if she could determine Keitaro's preferences and weaknesses, ultimately it would be useless if Shinobu continued to stand passively by while Keitaro chased after Narusegawa. Everyone could tell that despite Naru's fiery _tsundere_ temper, that eventually the two of them would end up together – at least, if nothing got in their way. It was actually the inevitability of this fact that kept some semblance of peace between the lovelorn girls of the Hinata-sou.

Now Su wondered – What kind of roadblock could thwart this seemingly inevitable conclusion and if she did so, what would be the fallout of a free-for-all battle for their hapless manager's affections?

"I am not dressing up like a slutty space pirate!" growled Shinobu.

Su took a sidelong glance at her friend and wondered if perhaps the unassuming girl was about to develop a serious case of irony.

LH-LH-LH

"But I don't want to go in there!" complained Shinobu as she clutched desperately to her shopping bags. "It's filled with strange and smelly people!"

The trio, having mostly completed Shinobu's shopping for the day, had finally found themselves in Tokyo's infamous "electronic district" and otaku-haven, Akihabara. There was very little here that interested an avid domestic engineer like Shinobu, but her friends had been vastly entertained and energetic in their demands that she accompany them to a variety of stores. Su had thankfully focused mostly on "normal" interests like electronics and other gadgets, but Tomoko was a different matter entirely, which is why the three girls were now outside what could only be described as a den of depravity.

Tomoko pouted, stamping her tiny feet from side to side.

"Hey! I think I should be vaguely offended by that!" she exclaimed.

Su, pretending to be disinterested in the conversation, muttered, "No… you should be entirely offended by that." The verbal shot hit the bullseye right over Tomoko's heart.

"Stow it professor chibi-tits!" spat Tomoko as she glared at the diminutive Molmolian princess.

Tomoko decided to take matters into her own hands, literally. Before the other girl could object, she grabbed Shinobu by the wrist and pulled her through the door. Unfortunately for Shinobu her prediction had been mostly spot-on and she was instantly assailed with the vintage aroma of desperation and perverseness.

"Augh!" she complained as Tomoko dragged her past a display of what could only be described as incredibly anatomically incorrect figures in lewd poses, with extra emphasis on "incorrect" and "lewd".

"So, what are we doing here?" asked Su. She had followed the other two girls into the shop, more out of a sense of obligation to protect Shinobu from being molested by Tomoko than anything else.

"Training materials!" said Tomoko as she continued to wind her way through the aisles towards the back of the store.

Shinobu looked around at the wide variety of pornographic dvd's and manga on display and nearly passed out when she considered the implication of whatever "research materials" they might procure from this store. Despite the flush rising to her face, her entire body had broken out in a cold sweat and her eyes were glazing over in terror.

"Don't you think this is a little advanced for Shinobu?" asked Su as she eyed a particularly dubious title that seemed to involve things that ought not to ever be attempted in a petting zoo.

"I agree!" blurted out Shinobu as she desperately tried to keep Tomoko from dragging her further into hell.

Unfortunately, it seemed that when an otaku was on the hunt for porn, their strength statistics went through the roof. Shinobu could do nothing but be helplessly pulled through aisle after aisle of questionable moral choices.

"Don't worry, we'll start you off with something small, like one of these!" Tomoko practically beamed as she found herself facing down her favorite part of the store – the entire back wall was literally bursting with row after row of eroge and adult dating games.

Su cocked an eyebrow. As strange as it seemed, Tomoko must have made a similar assessment about Shinobu's personality as she had and in her own screwed up way was trying to help their friend get past her crippling shyness.

"So describe this Narusegawa bitch again to me?" asked Tomoko as she started to inspect the titles on the wall.

"Um? I guess she's pretty…" said Shinobu.

"What? Who cares, I mean her personality and stuff…"

Su piped up. "She's violent towards men and a bad cook."

Tomoko nodded. She was preparing a mental inventory as the other two girls spoke.

"She always acts like she hates senpai, but really she just leads him on!" said Shinobu with more than a hint of bitterness that actually surprised Su.

"It's all starting to come together now…" muttered Tomoko.

"She embarrasses really easily," offered Su.

Tomoko snapped her fingers. "Sounds like she really is a _tsundere_ then. The cooking thing is probably supposed to be her _moe_ point. Really, who comes up with this stuff these days? Totally derivative."

Tomoko picked up a game and handed it to Shinobu.

"Buy that one – It'll give you a good run down on how the _tsundere_ operates. You'll need to memorize their attack patterns and behaviors. Any other girls we should be careful of?"

Shinobu momentarily forgot the stupidity of the entire activity and earnestly responded to Tomoko's line of questioning.

"Well, there's Otohime-san… she's kind of an airhead, clumsy… also she's known senpai since they were kids."

Tomoko groaned. "This is bad! BAD!" she complained as she started rifling through more games.

"Look," she continued, "The _tsundere_ is a really popular brand, but the _osananajimi –_ the childhood friend, well that's still the market leader."

Tomoko stroked her non-existent (at least for the time being) beard for a moment.

"And you said she's a cute clumsy girl too? A _dojikko_?" she asked.

Both of the other girls nodded.

"Damn," muttered Tomoko," I bet her _moe_ points are through the damn roof."

"What? What are _moe_ points?" asked an obviously befuddled Shinobu.

Tomoko shook her head. "Don't worry about it; you don't even know how to trip flags yet. Walk before you can run little grasshopper."

Shinobu hung her head in shame as Tomoko continued to press adult games into her hands. Nothing the other girl was saying made any sense and she couldn't quite understand how something like playing a computer game was supposed to help. Really, it sounded like Tomoko was just trying to drag Shinobu down to her level of perversity. Maybe she just wanted Shinobu to participate in her lewd hobbies?

"Can we _please_ just leave?" begged Shinobu as a game titled ' _Kyon-Kyon-Oppai Lolifest'_ was shoved in to her arms. She casually noted that middle school girls never had breasts that impossibly big before she realized what she was holding and simply dropped it to the floor like so much toxic waste.

"Stop being so prissy Maehara!" barked Tomoko, "If you were even half as slutty as those fictional middle school girls, then you'd have Manager-san licking your feet!"

Shinobu cringed. She didn't really want Keitaro to lick her feet. Holding hands would be nice and a kiss would certainly send her over the moon. Anything more than that… well, she just didn't feel bold enough to attempt the things she was being presented with now. For someone like her, it was just more or less impossible. With a hint of disgust she threw the offending games to the floor.

She was just about to turn and leave when Su grabbed her by the arm.

"Wait," she said as she stopped to pick up some of the games from the floor, "Tomoko-chan isn't _all_ wrong here."

Tomoko spun around like a top to face Su. "What the fuck did you just say?" she screamed with obvious surprise.

Su rolled her eyes. "I just think your idea has some merit to it."

Tomoko put her hand to her mouth and began to laugh, "Ohohohohohoho! Finally you recognize my true genius! The genius of the otaku! Just wait –"

Once again a timely 'Su-chop' had saved the day. Shinobu sighed in relief.

"God damn it," complained Tomoko as she cradled her head, "You're going to give me brain damage if you keep that up!"

Su simply remained silent. It was more insulting that way.

"So… you think I should play these games?" asked Shinobu as she held up one of the more scandalous titles that Tomoko had pressed onto her.

Su shrugged. "I guess it couldn't hurt? It might make you a little less shy if you can force yourself to get through some of them."

Shinobu sighed and then muttered under her breath, "I wonder if I can ever be a bride now…"

Ultimately Shinobu had pared down Tomoko's recommended "research" (really, masturbation) list down to a couple of titles instead of twenty. It was more practical than anything else – she wouldn't have the time or the funds to pursue all of them anyway. So, it was with a quick trip to the manga isle for the first couple of volumes of _Slutty Space Pirate Mika-chan_ and in Shinobu's case, a feeling that she had lost something precious of herself, that the three friends made their way back to Hinata City.

Thankfully the long train ride back from Tokyo was more or less uneventful. Su continued to fiddle with her phone, while Tomoko just occasionally snuck peeks at a manga and then giggled to herself in an unsavoury way. For her part, Shinobu didn't mind – she was exhausted both physically and emotionally from the day. Still, her eyes kept focusing on the non-descript silver bag that was tucked amongst her other shopping and her mind kept reeling about what it contained. Could she do it? Could she really go through with it?

She tried to gather as much resolve as she could. If it was for senpai, then she'd do her best.

LH-LH-LH

Author's Note:

So all that stuff happened. I think the reason why this story is coming out like this is because everything else I've written for a long time is, more or less, dramatic and bordering on depressing. Maybe I just needed some insanity to brighten up my day.

There's probably a lot of phrases and terms in this fiction that people won't know unless they are, themselves, an otaku, but I won't bother with things like glossaries when the internet exists. I'm sure most of it is self-explanatory, or can be derived from the context of the conversations anyway.

Also, for people who are curious as to why I have developed the main trio the way I have, it's just a classic comedy writing style. I introduced Su as the "brilliant nerd" character and justified this by way of making her "wacky gaijin" persona mostly the act of a seriously advanced mind – and obviously, Su is a genius considering all of the devices she makes. Tomoko, I borrowed out of whole cloth from a great anime/manga that goes by the shortened name _WataMote_ (it's worth checking out) and left her personality mostly the same.

This way, I have constructed a trio of all of the classic elements. You have Shinobu as the heroine, a sort of "last sane man in an insane world" type of character. You have Tomoko as the fool and jester and then you have Su as the straight man or foil for Tomoko's antics.

Anyway, once again I'd like to thank people for reading and I hope they are enjoying the hijinks to date. Please leave a review and let me know what you think, or if you have any great ideas. I'm one of those few fan fiction authors that are both incredibly difficult to offend as well as receptive to other people's ideas. I mostly do this for fun and praise anyway :P

Cheers,

QC


	3. Chapter 3

Shinobu's room, usually a bright and cheery affair, had taken on a dark and dreary demeanour. The curtains that were often open on sunny days like this one were now drawn tight and the only illumination came from the oversized CRT of the computer system she had borrowed from Su. The air itself, normally fragrant and fresh, was steeped in a deep funk of teenage desperation and depravity. It almost goes without saying that this was entirely Tomoko's fault.

"A-a-are y-you sure it's okay for us to be doing t-this…" Shinobu stammered over her words for a second, "I mean… together?"

She then looked down at her feet and muttered, "… isn't it just a little…"

Tomoko waved her off, "This is totally fine. It's normal for an otaku. Sharing porn between friends is one of life's greatest pleasures. There's nothing gay about it at all…"

Slowly, a seedy grin crept up on the smaller girls face. Its unholy luridness sent a shiver down Shinobu's spine.

"Unless of course… you _want it to be_ …" Tomoko leered, a slight trail of drool starting to form at the corner of her mouth.

Luckily, before Shinobu's eyes or arms could begin their customary spinning at such a disgusting insinuation, Kaolla Su stepped up with the save, or as it was better known, the infamous Su-Chop.

"Aaaargh!" groaned Tomoko as she fell backwards, landing on a heap on the floor.

"Su!" shrieked Shinobu in surprise, barely sparing a look for her now comatose friend "Wasn't that a little much?"

Su shrugged and walked over to the computer, DVD in hand. "You really want to be molested by Tomo-chan right now? I have to admit, it'd be easier than trying to get Keitaro to notice you…"

Shinobu turned up her nose at both suggestions and quickly flopped her narrow butt into one of her chairs, a pouting expression on her face.

"You didn't have to go that far…" she said softly.

"Sorry," apologized Su as she inserted the disc and began installing the game software.

Turning to face Shinobu, she spoke, "Actually… I think its best we leave you alone. I'll grab _hentai_ -chan and drag her off to my room for some…"

After a moment of thought, Su quickly sported a strange smile of her own, less perverted, but no less disturbing.

"Remedial education," she grinned.

Shinobu gave an involuntary shudder. She loved Su (as a friend) but had come to understand over the years that she didn't particularly share certain moral viewpoints with the smaller Molmolian girl. Mostly these centered around things such group marriages, group sex and last but not least, human experimentation. In what was essentially an excellent display of self-deception, Shinobu merely chalked these issues up to "cultural differences" and left it at that.

"Here, take these," said Su as she handed Shinobu a pair of headphones and a small bag.

"Hmm?" asked Shinobu.

"You probably don't want everyone else hearing the voice acting in that game," Su explained in a matter of fact manner.

"The other stuff is just… suggested essentials, courtesy of Tomo-chan."

Su washed her hands of the matter entirely. It was more or less required after the things she had touched inside that bag.

Shinobu daintily placed the bag on her desk like she was holding a dead rat at distance and then examined the headphones. They looked normal, but she didn't recognize the brand even though she was sure she had seen that three-eyed symbol someplace before…

Shinobu shrugged and put the headphones around her neck as she scooted her chair closer to the computer. The game was almost done installing.

"Are you sure this is okay?" she asked Su, her voice wrought with tension.

Su, who had been busy dragging Tomoko's unconscious form towards the door, turned around and addressed her friend.

"It'll probably help you get over some of your shyness. It's not like you need to jump Keitaro's bones or something…" she said, and then added under her breath so that Shinobu couldn't hear "… although it'd make this a lot easier."

Shinobu flushed at the suggestion. It wasn't like she was a child, or completely naïve. Hell, she _was_ almost 16 years old and like other girls that were still in the midst of puberty, she had felt _it_ before. That feeling that you get when you see a well-built guy without his shirt, leaning over, washing the floor of the hot springs… the sun glistening off his bronze skin, small beads of sweat perspiring on his forehead. The look of intense concentration on his face, then the smile as he notices you…

Shinobu was so happily floating away on her cloud of pink fluffed eros that she didn't even notice Su saying good-bye and dragging Tomoko from the room. It was only the soft music from the headphones around her neck, alerting her that the game had finished installing, that dragged her back from her fantasy.

" _Oh well,"_ she thought to herself as she started clicking through the game menus, _"Maybe they're right. Maybe I can just shock myself to get over my shyness."_

Her hand was on the mouse, slightly hovering over the "Start Game" icon from the menu. She hesitated for a moment and considered if she could possibly go through with this. After all, wasn't it just too dirty for someone like her? Slowly, she gathered her remaining resolve.

" _If it's for senpai, then you can do it Shinobu-chan!"_

Click.

LH-LH-LH

Tomoko Kuroki woke up in agony. She blinked her eyes and took inventory of her situation. She was in a jungle, that much was obvious from the trees everywhere. Her head hurt like she had been walloped by a kung-fu expert. She suspected she knew who had done that. Then finally, her ass felt raw and abused, like she had slid on it over a flight of stairs… or maybe…

Quickly, she grabbed her butt with both hands and started crying.

"I've been raped!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs.

Kaolla Su, who had just happened to be hunched over a computer barely a few feet away, drolly replied, "You wish, pervert-chan" and then resumed her typing.

Tomoko quickly came back to her senses, or at least her normal baseline for delusionary behavior. Giving her bottom one last probing gesture, she turned and walked over to Su.

"Hey! What the hell did – " her voice dropped off as she realized what the diminutive inventor was doing.

"Is that Shinobu?" she gasped, partly from shock of seeing Su spy on her friend, and then party from shock of seeing where Shinobu's hand was.

Su nodded. "She's about three hours in now." Deftly Su typed a few more commands into her computer screen and then moved her mouse over a slider from the readout, dragging it a mere millimetre to the right.

"Wait, what are you doing?" said Tomoko as she peered closer at the monitor.

Su made a few more adjustments and then replied, "Subliminal messaging."

"Oh, is that…" began Tomoko before realization dawned on her.

"You're brainwashing her!" she gasped.

Su sighed. "No, not really. I'm just giving her a little nudge every now and then. See that over there – " Su pointed to a floating waving line superimposed above Shinobu's head.

"That's her brainwave pattern, and this one next to it is the brainwave pattern of a normal person experiencing sexual arousal. "

Tomoko nodded sagely. She had understood none of that except "sexual arousal."

"Whenever she gets into an appropriate situation in the game, I send subliminal messages through the headphones and monitors to adjust her brainwave patterns to match an optimal arousal state."

Tomoko nodded sagely. She had understood none of that except for "arousal state."

Something on the screen caught Su's attention and she fiddled with the controls again. Tomoko looked over her shoulder and realized she could see what part of the game Shinobu was on.

"Oh that's a good part, wow the school bus gang bang was excellent…" she wiped an errant strand of saliva from her lips.

Su cursed under her breath.

"Whenever she experiences something in the game that's perverted she has a natural tendency to want to run away from it in embarrassment."

Almost as to emphasis the point, Shinobu had turned her head away from the screen and one of her hands was feebly snaking its way towards the off button of the computer.

Su punched a few more keys and suddenly, the hand went back and Shinobu slowly turned her head.

"When that happens, I just give her a slight nudge so that her arousal overcomes her timidity, this allows her to view the scenario and assimilate the experience."

Tomoko snapped her fingers, "So like… you're brainwashing her!"

Su muttered out a string of Molmolian expletives that could loosely be translated as involving an elephant and an endoscope and turned to face her dim-witted companion. She was just about to switch back to Japanese and give Tomoko a further piece of her (brilliant) mind before she was interrupted by a call outside her door.

"Su!" it was Motoko, "Your sister is on the phone for you!"

Su frowned for a brief moment. If Amalla had called her, it must be something important. She locked a scowl on Tomoko and then jabbed her finger in the other girls face.

"Stay here and DON'T touch anything!" she said and then bolted quickly out of the room.

Tomoko stuck her hands behind her back and slowly rocked on her heels, glancing nervously around the room. This lasted all of about ten seconds before she quickly made her way over to the computer screen.

" _Heh… nice Shinobu-chan, getting into it huh?"_ she grinned to herself as she watched her friend being "absorbed" in the hentai scenario playing on the computer screen.

Tomoko was almost tempted to join in, but then she noticed Shinobu stopping and turning away from the screen. Obviously the new scene, one of Tomoko's favorites by the way, was too much for the timid _eroge_ newbie.

" _What was it that Su said?"_ she asked herself, _"Something… something… press this button…"_

Tomoko shrugged, then without much of a care she started clicking all over the screen and dragging sliders. The response was immediate – Shinobu, who had previously been about to bolt from the room in terror, found herself instead deeply enthralled in the scene being played out on the computer. One hand found its way to the mouse, clicking furiously, while the other hand started to snake up her top and gently probe her own chest. Tomoko gasped, both in shock and delight.

Tomoko was just about to congratulate herself on saving the day when she noticed that Shinobu had stopped moving. She wasn't turning away from the screen, but she was starting to shake slightly.

" _Hmm… must need more power or something,"_ thought Tomoko as she looked around the user interface of Su's computer program. Unfortunately everything was printed in a strange language that she didn't recognize as either Japanese or English. Not willing to give up, she moved her mouse over to a big green button and gave it a simple click, not realizing that the words printed over it in Molmolese were, "SUPER OVERDRIVE".

Suddenly the screen began to shake and Tomoko took a step back. The display changed rapidly, so quickly that Tomoko could finally make out the subliminal images that the program was sending to Shinobu. They were massive, large, turgid… almost glorious in their sheer magnificent splendour. Tomoko found herself slowly drawn to the display, a hot flush spreading through her nether regions and a trail of drool forming from her now dangling tongue.

"TOMOKO!" came the scream behind her. Su had just returned from her phone call and while she had expected Tomoko to be doing something rude when she came back, she wasn't prepared for the sight before her.

Quickly she ran towards Tomoko and threw her to the side, momentarily freeing her from the grip of utter perversion. With nimble fingers, Su started tapping away and clicking on the screen.

"Shut it down!" she screamed, "SHUT IT ALL DOWN!"

With an iron grip, Su latched onto Tomoko's arm and pulled the smaller girl along with her. Together they flew through the halls and down the stairs to Shinobu's room, barely pausing a moment to throw back the door and enter. The sight that awaited them was both hideous and alarming.

A sheen layer of sweat drenched the slightly shaking form of Shinobu Maehara. Her face was contorted in a rictus grin of either pleasure or pain, it was impossible to decipher which. Her eyes were swirling like pinwheels and her hands were in places they shouldn't be. Even Tomoko, an adept at these types of situations was in a state of shock at the utter display of perversion before her.

Su leapt across the floor and slapped off the monitor and wrenched the headphones from her friend. "Shinobu!" she screamed in the girls face. "Wake up!"

Shinobu continued to convulse and Su grabbed her by the shoulders and began to shake her.

"Come back to us Shinobu-chan! Don't go into the light!" she pleaded, tears in her eyes.

Slowly, Shinobu's eyes started to focus and her hands began to withdraw. The haze that had settled over her mind cleared and she realized both what she was doing and who was watching.

"Aaaaaugh!" she screamed, flailing her head around in terror.

Tomoko took a step back, her shoulder bumping into the doorframe. Sounds could be heard coming down the hall – obviously other residents of the Hinata were coming to investigate the yelling.

"Make it stop!" wept Shinobu as she grabbed at her head.

Su's face fell. She had never intended for Shinobu to be exposed to so much "stimulation" and she was frightened by what affects it might have had on the poor girl.

What Shinobu said next, was both something terrifying and a confirmation of those fears.

"So… many… dicks," she wailed before collapsing in her chair.

Tomoko, sensing her moment had come, softly strode up alongside her exhausted friend and patted her on the shoulder.

"I know what you mean," she said with a sympathetic smile.

LH-LH-LH

Su counted her blessings. When Naru and Motoko had shown up at Shinobu's room, she had been able to convince the older girls that "no, Keitaro wasn't around" and hence "nothing perverted was going on," and instead Shinobu was merely feeling under the weather. Of course, while one part of that statement was true, Su woefully regretted that the later part was entirely false. Thankfully either Naru and Motoko were far more pure than was normal for girls their age, or they simply hadn't stayed around long enough to smell the stench of Shinobu's "exertions" drifting in the air. Not to put a too fine a point on it, but Su was certain they'd have to throw out that desk chair.

Tomoko of course had been useless, that is to say, useless for anything other than making things worse. Su had sent her home with a stern warning and a threat of imminent head trauma if she didn't keep her mouth shut about what had happened, especially to Shinobu. It wasn't that Su wanted to lie to her friend, but she felt that rather than make the timid girl worry more than she normally would (which was, already quite a lot) it'd be better to sit back and observe her for the time being and see if she exhibited any strange behaviours.

Unfortunately for Su, it didn't take long for these behaviors to surface.

"Hello?" called out Keitaro from the other side of the door, "Shinobu? I heard you weren't feeling well…"

Su slapped her forehead. Of course he did. The always considerate manager of the Hinata-sou, once being informed of Shinobu's _disposition_ had taken upon himself to prepare dinner that night and now here he was, outside the supposedly ill girl's room and carrying a plate of still warm food and refreshment.

Shinobu stirred in her bed.

"Hmm?" she asked dreamily, a faint blush at her cheeks.

Su patted her on the head and whispered, "Shh… just rest."

She walked over to the door and cracked it just a little bit, taking a cautious glance over her shoulder to make sure that Shinobu was still at ease.

"Keitaros?" she asked, using her normal "wacky-Su" persona.

"Oh, hi Su-chan!" the beleaguered manager replied, "I just brought some food for Shinobu-chan…"

Keitaro tried to peek around the young Molmolian princess, but was thwarted by Su moving her head along with his in tandem.

"Um… Su?" he asked, "Is everything okay?"

Su smiled her best dopey smile and chirped, "Of course Keitaros! Lemme have that…" she reached out for the plate of food, only to have Keitaro lift it out of her reach.

"Shinobu?" he called out, now obviously concerned.

"Hmm? Senpai?" came the dazed response from inside the room.

Keitaro looked down at Su, "Really, I think I ought to check on her to make sure she's okay…"

Su was considering what kind of half-assed excuse to give the not-too-bright manager, when all of a sudden she experienced the shock of a lifetime.

"Oh, Keitaro-san!" came a sultry voice behind her, "It _**is**_ you!" Shinobu squealed as she propped herself up in her bed, clutching her arms around her chest.

Keitaro quickly moved by Su's still shocked body and entered the room, the plate of food held out before him.

"Hey, I heard you weren't feeling well, so I brought you something to eat…" he smiled at the young girl.

Shinobu raised a hand to her face and looked bashful.

"That's so sweet…" she said softly, and then added in a throaty growl, "Shinobu-chan is _very_ hungry."

Su's face broke out in a cold sweat. _"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!"_ she thought to herself.

Quickly her mind ran through various scenarios, until her genius intellect settled on the one most likely to succeed. She just hoped that poor Keitaro could forgive her someday.

Without missing a beat, Su stepped forward, pulled her skirt down and screamed, "HEY KEITARO!"

The young manager swivelled his head around, only to be greeted by an airborne Su whose legs quickly wrapped around his head, her panty clad lower half grinding furiously into his face.

"Oh! That looks like fun!" thrilled Shinobu as she started to reach for her own skirt bottom. Without a moment to lose, Su bellowed out a single phrase in Japanese that had been heard many times before in the last couple of years, and likely would be heard many more.

"KEITARO, YOU PERVERT!" she let loose at the top of her lungs.

The reaction was immediate. There was a thundering of footsteps in the hall and then almost as if they had materialized out of nowhere, the forms of Naru Narusegawa and Motoko Aoyama hovered over the unlucky form of one Keitaro Urashima.

"URASHIMA YOU SCUM!" threatened Motoko as she drew a bead on Keitaro with her _bokken._

Next to her, Naru was cracking her fist, the glare of murderous intent boring straight from her eyes and into Keitaro's soon to be battered skull.

"KEITARO!" she screamed, "ROLL UP INTO A BALL AND DIE!"

Keitaro, with reflexes born from years of physical abuse, just barely managed to free himself from Su's headlock and had made all of four steps towards the door before Motoko hit him with a special technique that sent him flying down the hall, with Narusegawa, steam trailing from her ears, in hot pursuit.

"Ah! Senpai!" gasped Shinobu as she started to rise from the bed.

Su used what strength she had to keep Shinobu from chasing after them all the while praying to several Molmolian deities that Keitaro had been keeping up with his cardio.

"Hey Shinobu," she ventured as she held the struggling girl back. "Why don't we put our skirts back on and have a little chat?"

Shinobu seemed to consider the idea for a moment, and then said with a pout, "I don't wanna."

Su swore to herself. The effects of the subliminal messaging were far worse than she had initially considered. She'd have to figure out some way to reduce, or reverse the effect. For the time being however, she needed to get Shinobu's cooperation before the situation deteriorated any further.

"C'mon Shinobu…" she whispered to the taller girl, "I got pictures of Keitaro in the bath…"

Shinobu's face suddenly became serious, her eyes intent and her mouth drawn in a straight, but stern line. She bore into Su with her intense gaze and raised her tiny fists in front of her face.

"Show me the dicks," was all she said.

LH-LH-LH

Authors Note:

Well, this story isn't as popular as my other more serious KeiXMot fiction, but I still enjoy writing it, so I think I'll keep it going for a bit more. Certainly things are going to get more complicated from here on out now that Su (and really, Tomoko) have gone and messed with poor Shinobu's head. The question I suppose at this point is if the change is temporary in nature or more permanent and what, if anything, can be done about it?

Once again, thanks to the people who are keep abreast (ahem) with this fiction. I really enjoy reading people's comments about my work so I appreciate it whenever someone takes that couple of minutes to leave a note. I hope everyone is enjoying this story and will join me again for the next chapter!

Cheers,

QC


	4. Chapter 4

Keitaro Urashima was a man with a finely tuned sense of danger, if not self-preservation. He hadn't always been this way; in fact prior to him arriving at the Hinata-sou he had lived mostly a care-free life devoid of such worries. That isn't to say that he didn't have concerns, or completely mundane fears such as the fear of failure or the fear of leaving your umbrella home on a rainy day, or even the fear if that girl in your third period history class is looking at you funny. It's just that he lacked what you might call an _appreciation_ for fear in all its delightful and varied splendour. No, it took the devoted and dedicated tutelage of two incredibly violent women to open Keitaro's eyes to the pure depth and intensity of fear that a human being could experience.

And while Keitaro might have been a lacklustre pupil in many ways, he wasn't quite so sure that he deserved the "extra lessons" that were currently being handed his way.

It had all began two days ago when he had decided, as usual, to demonstrate his genuine concern for the residents under his care. In this particular case, the resident in question was one very petite high school student by the name of Shinobu Maehara and if Keitaro was honest, his personal favorite resident to relax with. If he was even more honest, he would admit that she was actually the _only_ person he could relax with, however in matters such as these, Keitaro was frequently less than insightful.

He had been informed that the younger girl had taken ill and in true Keitaro fashion he had set about doing everything he could to support her. First he had provided some relief in the form of taking over her regular chores, for Shinobu had many mandatory duties as part of her living arrangement at the inn. Once that had been accomplished, the kind manager had walked to the local chemist and purchased a recommended cold remedy using his own personal funds. It was a small gesture, but one that Keitaro had hoped would demonstrate how much he cared about Shinobu's well-being. Finally, with remedy in hand and food prepared, he had assembled a dinner tray and marched cheerfully to her room without a care in the world other than seeing her well as soon as possible.

It should have been a simple task. Deliver the vital supplies, pat the younger girl on the head and maybe offer some show of solidarity such as a simple, _"Get well soon!"_ or a _"Hang in there Shinobu-chan!"_ You know, nothing that should get you murdered, at least on a good day. Unfortunately for Keitaro, that day hadn't been very good at all. In fact, it had been down right terrible. No sooner had he entered the room as he had found himself the victim of one of Kaolla Su's more infamous greetings – the full on body-tackle-hug-glomp-of-doom.

This alone would have been bad enough. Su, despite her petite size, wasn't quite the small fry she had been years ago (it must have been all those bananas) and combined with her freakish strength and ability to reach maximum tackle velocity over a minimum distance of three feet, Keitaro instinctively knew he was in for a world of hurt. However, what he wasn't prepared for was the furious face humping he had received as the strange _gaijin_ had ground herself furiously against him.

He knew he should have struggled.

He probably could have even tried to remove her.

He briefly contemplated screaming, but considered that under the circumstances that might be a Molmolian marriage proposal.

He wondered if he should go through with it anyway, albeit to his credit, it was a brief daydream.

Instead he merely stood there, shocked to his core and wondering if it wasn't a decided advantage for a woman to taste like bananas. He was just about to consider his own situation and if perhaps switching over to an "all-banana" diet himself might reap him rewards later on in life, when he was broken from his perverted reverie by the sound of two beautiful angels.

He quickly rephrased that in his head; two beautiful angels of _death_.

And hence began what Keitaro would nominally declare was his _48 hours of ultra-punishment_. Oh yes, school was in session and the honourable sensei's Naru Narusegawa and Motoko Aoyama were handing out extra credit left and right (and center, top, bottom, from the shadows and of course, when you least expected it).

He probably should have suspected something was up at breakfast the next morning. Shinobu still looked dazed, but insisted on cooking for everyone. He smiled fondly at her and received the customary shy blush from the sweet girl. If her gaze lingered a little longer, or she licked her lips enticingly, or held up her chopsticks to her mouth and moaned, well, Keitaro didn't notice it. Oh no, he didn't notice a thing – mostly because _everyone else_ had and he was simply avoiding eye contact as a way to minimize the chance that any of the other girls would exercise their pervert detecting radar and somehow do the calculus that always ended up with him being blasted through a wall.

Sadly, in the end it didn't really matter.

Motoko, always the astute observer of the bunch, had noted that Shinobu still looked unwell and said as much. In response, the little chef had weakly smiled and continued clearing the table as she edged closer to Keitaro who, unlike Motoko, was doing his best to be a very non-astute observer. It was because of this, his lack of eye contact, or even awareness of his surroundings that he didn't see Shinobu suddenly "swoon" in an anemic fit and fall.

Right down into his lap.

Face first.

That alone caused a problem – he could already see the weapons systems of both Naru and Motoko coming on-line, their eyes flickering as they called upon not-so-hidden reserves of pervert slaying power. What came next however, pretty much sealed his fate.

He had been nervous, that much was obvious, he was always nervous for some reason that he chose to ignore, and had reached out for Shinobu to help her. Instead of grabbing her shoulders, or gracefully removing the girl from his lap or otherwise catching her in a non-perverted way, his hands, always his own worst enemy, had found themselves planted firmly on the back of Shinobu's head.

It looked bad. The situation had gone from painful to deadly. He didn't need to be able to read auras or tell the future to know how this was going to end up. Oh no, the scarlet rage that was creeping over the otherwise normally flawless skin of both Motoko and Naru gave him more than enough of a hint that their power levels were already at max. Of course, it didn't help that as soon as he had done this that Shinobu went and said the strangest thing.

" _Oh, senpai! Yes!"_ she had gleefully screamed into Keitaro's nether-regions.

The reactions were immediate. Motoko, already superhumanly fast, drew her sword with such speed that the air literally crackled in the wake of her blade. To the left of her, the always irritable Naru reached new heights of rage and stood up with such force that the chair she had been sitting on spun away wildly, careening across the kitchen like a missile without a guidance system. Keitaro, to his credit, didn't stay still himself. Under normal circumstances he might have tried to gently pry Shinobu away while greeting his fate, however these circumstances were far from normal. He was sure that if he was reading the situation correctly that anything less than running away in abject terror would end with some variation of him in a casket.

The fear was so complete and overwhelming that it overruled Keitaro's normal instincts and he flung Shinobu from his lap. The younger girl spun away, her head twisting to the side and a trail of saliva from her mouth glistening in the early morning light streaming through the kitchen windows. It was magnificent, like a rainbow of spit that magically twinkled into existence and all eyes followed it from its point of origin all the way down to…

Keitaro's drool stained crotch.

As Shinobu landed gently in Kitsune's outstretched arms, it became apparent to all the girls watching that their pervert-detectors were short circuiting. Eyes rolled with spinning orbits, faces blushed, and there were a couple of involuntary reactions that weren't fit to write in print. It was clear however that Keitaro had not only pegged the needle at max, but he had continued well past that until the damn thing blew clean off. Seizing the opportunity, Keitaro bolted out of the room as fast as he could before Naru and Motoko's brains could reboot. It was probably the only reason why he lived through the morning.

Sadly that disastrous breakfast had turned out to be an omen of ill-portent as it seemed that poor Shinobu-chan's fever wasn't going away anytime soon and she was continuously getting into situations that ultimately ended bad for Keitaro.

There was for instance, the time where she lost her pyjama bottoms and then sadly, the other three times it happened as well. Keitaro had really tried to help her, but Motoko of course took everything the wrong way. Honestly, it wasn't like he _liked_ crawling around on the floor with Shinobu and looking for missing clothing, but it was an emergency – the weather was cold and Shinobu was already sporting goosebumps. She needed those pyjama bottoms fast!

Then there was the time where she had walked in on him in his own bath. Then in the toilet. Then when he was changing clothes.

Four times.

Keitaro knew these were accidents! After all, hadn't the exact same things happened to him time after time? Why couldn't Naru understand that there was no way anyone should be mad about this? These things were just bound to happen when men and women lived together in close proximity!

And really, it was entirely understandable how a girl with a bad fever might accidently find her way back to the wrong futon in the middle of the night. The fact that this somehow managed to happen three times in the same night at regular thirty minute intervals was just a coincidence. Just a coincidence!

Really, Keitaro tried to tell himself these things, but his ever present powers of self-delusion were starting to waver. Never before during all of his time as the manager of the Hinata-sou had he ever been under such a constant assault of "accidents" and the strain of dealing with it was starting to leave marks not just on his face, but his psyche as well.

" _What can I do?!"_ he thought to himself in desperation as he laid on his futon.

He had effectively barricaded himself in his room by moving what little furniture he had in front of his door. Sure, it wouldn't stop a certain determined high school girl from "accidently sleep walking" into his futon, but he hoped it'd at least give him enough warning to make a break for it before Naru descended upon him like an avenging angel.

" _It's not like I can talk to any of the girls about this. I can imagine now how that'd go, 'Oh hey, have any of you noticed that Shinobu-chan spends all her free time sexually harassing me?' What? Naru? Put down that butcher knife please!"_ Keitaro winced as he imagined the scenario that would unfold if he dared to broach the subject.

It was a frustrating. He knew that the other girls had to suspect that something was up, but he couldn't talk to any of them and to top it all off, after a couple of days of constant torture, Keitaro had to admit that Shinobu's one-woman campaign was starting to have an effect. Oh yes, it was frustrating indeed – in more ways than one.

He briefly looked up at the hole in his ceiling and wondered if he could risk _it_. There was always a chance, no matter how small, that Naru would randomly pop her head through the hole that separated their two rooms. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but Keitaro had to admit that more often than not it seemed that anytime he was in a compromising position, that hole had an almost magical way of summoning Naru to investigate. And he was seriously considering doing something _very_ compromising.

With a grunt he pulled his covers up to his neck and sighed. There was no use for it, he'd just pray for now and hope that if he was caught in the act that he didn't end up getting a one-way flight over Sagami Bay courtesy of Naru-air.

Grumbling while he fiddled with his clothing, he ruminated on how it was possible for a girl to lose her panties in your pocket. It was just simply absurd no matter what she said!

LH-LH-LH

"I'm so sorry!" sniffed Shinobu as she wiped away a tear from her eye, "I just… I just don't know what I'm doing anymore!"

Kaolla Su patted her best friend on the head sympathetically. "It's not your fault Shinobu…" she said, knowing full well that it really _wasn't_ Shinobu's fault at all, but her own. Well, mostly Tomoko's fault actually, but certainly Su had contributed.

Shinobu flopped back on her bed and wrapped her arms around herself dramatically. "I didn't know that playing just one _eroge_ game would turn me into such a…"

She couldn't bear to say the word, but she forced it out anyway.

"Pervert," she gasped as she started another fit of crying.

Su saunted over to her friends bedside and sat down. "You're not a pervert, this is just… a phase," she said awkwardly.

Shinobu pouted, "I'm worse than Tomo-chan!"

"I don't think anyone's worse than Tomo-chan," said Su. "Besides, I'm sure you'll get better eventually. Her condition is positively genetic."

"Do you really think so?" asked Shinobu desperately, "Will I get better?"

Su nodded emphatically. "You already have… I mean, how many times did you lose your panties today? Only three or four… that's a 300% improvement from the day before."

Shinobu "eeped!" and ducked her head under her pillow. She hadn't really known what had come over her at the time, it was almost like she was in a daze or some sort of waking dream. It just really seemed like a good idea for her to leave her panties in a place where her senpai would find them. His pocket, his toolbox, his bento…

Su was right though, things did seem to be settling down. She hadn't felt that particular urge for several hours now, so maybe her other "incidents" would start to abate as well. She hoped so – if this kept up, she'd be doing laundry a heck of a lot more frequently.

Timidly, she poked her head out from under the pillow and asked, "D-d-do you think senpai hates me?"

Su gently laid her hand on Shinobu's shoulder and shook her head, "There's no way _anyone_ could hate you Shinobu-chan and especially not Keitaro. Don't worry about it."

Su actually believed that. If Keitaro of all people could put up with Naru, Motoko and Kitsune tormenting and exploiting him pretty much around the clock, then a cute girl like Shinobu showing him her butt wasn't going to upset the poor guy. Hell, Su was pretty sure that good old Keitaro probably blamed himself for everything.

Shinobu sighed and tried to take Su's advice. Really, she didn't _want_ to worry so much, but it seemed impossible not to. Her birthday was just a couple of days away and while yes, it did appear that she was improving, if she was even one tenth as out of control then as she was right now, then there would be no way she would be able to make the correct impression on her beloved senpai. She was afraid that she'd be doomed to have the man she loved either see her as eternally a child, or a complete slut.

" _Although, if I have to pick, maybe I could work with the second one…_ " she thought to herself with a slight blush.

There was of course, one other thing she was worried about. Despite being able to resist doing things like stripping in front of Keitaro, launching herself at his private parts, or otherwise demanding complete satisfaction on the spot, it didn't mean that the _feelings_ were going away. Quite the opposite actually – poor Shinobu had never felt as frustrated and out of sorts as she did right now.

"Su…" she said softly, "I think it's time…"

Shinobu blanched and pulled her covers up over her face. It was part of her "treatment plan" and had been devised on explicit order from the resident pervert-in-chief of their little school yard clique. To put it succinctly, Shinobu had asked Tomoko how _she_ dealt with these particular "urges".

The smaller girls response was both revolting and succinct – "Furious masturbation."

Su nodded. "Okay, 15 minutes and then I'm coming back in for the night. We'll solve your 'sleep walking' problem that way."

Shinobu didn't really like the idea of sharing a bed with Su, not because they weren't friends, but because the smaller girl had a reputation as a fierce night time grappler that could inflict pain on even someone as tough as Motoko. Of course, one Shinobu was firmly ensconced in Su's grasp, it'd be unlikely she'd be able to "sleep walk" into her senpai's room. Still the prospect of spending a night being halfway squeezed to death was an unsettling one…

"A-a-are you sure that's necessary?" she asked, her voice tinged with fear.

"Sorry Shinobu, but unless you want to risk being tied up and then having to go to the toilet…" Su let her voice trail off. The last thing Shinobu wanted was be seen washing urine soaked sheets; it'd only further cement her position as the "baby" of Hinata-sou.

"No, no, that's fine… it's just… I want to apologize ahead of time," she said.

Su raised an eyebrow at her friend.

"You know…" Shinobu got exceptionally quiet and then barely whispered, "In case I do anything… weird to you."

There was the briefest of glints in Su's eye, a flash so quick that Shinobu didn't catch it before it was over and then the young Molmolian responded with a sweet and gentle voice, "It's okay Shinobu."

Su didn't add the last part of that sentence, the one that she was thinking about as she left her friend alone to prepare for the evening ahead. Some things were just better left unsaid.

LH-LH-LH

"Hey Kitsune… do you think there is something wrong with Shinobu-chan? I mean, other than her flu…" asked Naru Narusegawa as she reclined in the hot springs, staring up at the night sky.

Kitsune snorted. It was an epic snort. One filled with both derision and disbelief and unfortunately a little bit of the sake she had been drinking. That last part hurt, but the tears in her eyes weren't just from the pain, but from the laughter that was starting to flow to her lips.

"Hahahah!" she exclaimed, "What? You mean other than trying to dry-hump Keitaro whenever she thinks she's alone with him?"

Naru's face clouded and her previously worried expression turned into a deep frown. "Be serious Kitsune! You know that was just Keitaro being a pervert!"

" _Wow, the massive amount of self-deception that line took! I don't know if I should be impressed or sad!"_ thought Kitsune as her laughter started to turn into a wheezing cough.

"Well, I guess that's good," said Kitsune as she recovered her breath. "I mean, if Shinobu was seriously going after Keitaro you might have a problem on your hands."

This caught Naru's attention and the fiery tsundere slowly turned her head.

"Problems?" she asked cautiously.

"Shinobu's a pretty good girl you know. Nice, friendly, sweet, a fantastic homemaker – she's going to make some lucky guy a great bride someday, don't you agree?" Kitsune was struggling to maintain her poker face as she expertly baited Naru.

Naru considered it for a moment and then laughed derisively.

"Sure, _some day_ , but she' still a child! That's why what Keitaro is doing is so perverted…"

Kitsune shook her head at her poor deluded friend. "She'll be legal in what… two days?"

Naru's face fell.

"T-t-that's right… her birthday… I forgot…" Naru was caught flat footed by this revelation.

Truly, despite what she said to everyone else, she _knew_ that Keitaro wasn't a pervert. This was actually why she was fine with him not only being the manager of the Hinata, but also with him chasing after her despite having all these other girls around. She knew that Keitaro loved her, he had told her as much and even though she hadn't actually said those magical words right back to him yet, she felt confident that it'd all work out okay in the end.

After all, hadn't the other girls, Motoko and Kitsune and even Mutsumi, all but stepped aside for her? This was simply just the way it was going to be, so all she had to do was sit back and wait and things would eventually take care of themselves.

Right?

Suddenly Naru had an idea and she smirked.

"Well, it doesn't matter – Keitaro is a pervert so he only likes girls with these – " she said as she hefted her own impressive bust up above the warm waters of the onsen and giving them a firm wiggle.

"All boys are like that and Keitaro is the _worst_!" she exclaimed with a loud laugh.

Kitsune wanted to laugh along with her friend. Really, she did. She even made a half-hearted attempt to join in, but found the sound simply would come past her lips. She knew, perhaps more than any other girl at the Hinata, how false Naru's reasoning was. After all, Kitsune was objectively the sexiest girl she knew – beautiful face, gorgeous body, breasts like proud mountains, and while yes – boys were interested in her; the truth was none of those boys were Keitaro.

No, guys like Keitaro might like that stuff, but they were looking for something else as well. Kitsune, sadly, didn't think she had it – whatever "it" was. Now, watching Naru dismissively judge Shinobu as "not competition", she was starting to wonder however if her over confident friend had "it" either.

" _And maybe that girl does…"_

LH-LH-LH

Authors Note:

So, obviously I had to branch out and show some other perspectives in this chapter after spending most of the previous ones just focusing on the terrible trio. I think it was both worthwhile as well as necessary in order to advance the plot (and there is absolutely a plot here, not just dick jokes! Although there are plenty of those too…)

Anyway, questions abound – What's going on with Keitaro reacting to Shinobu? How badly is Naru in denial? Is Kitsune the only one who sees things clearly? Will Shinobu be cured? Will she even want to be cured eventually? And what's going on with Su? Something suspicious huh? And finally – how will Tomoko find a way to screw everything up?

Once again thanks to everyone who has reviewed or favorited this story. I really appreciate it when someone leaves a comment or offers a suggestion and I nearly always reply when I can! Sometimes the only thing that makes me fire up the old word processor is anticipating what people are going to say about what I write!

Cheers, and thanks again

QC


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